Suicide

[BabyGrlBones]

I was realy sick as a kid with my lung problem and i never felt normal so when i was 13 i tried to kill myslef (spare you the details) but it didn't work and i am greatfull cause now i have 4 beautiful kids and i will addmit that i still think about it from time to time, my kids faces pull me through that depression!!! it got really thick when my uncle shot himself in 2005!! it was and still is so hard to except that he is gone!!!! it is a selfish act but you can't judge!! i wish he found some other way out of his depression but he didn't! he felt alone, he was one of those heavy guys most people look at when you pass then on the street and you think "fat ass"! but he was so much more that what everyone saw. he would help anyone that needed it! most people took advantage of that but he never minded he just wanted to be loved and excepted. he tried to diet to gain exceptance nothing worked so he had gastric-bi-pass (how ever you spell that) it's where they cut you stomach in half! he could only eat a table spoon of food at meal time or he would get sick. he refused to take his pain med.s i guess it got to be to much for him a hundred pounds dropped then he killed himself!!! i have a tattoo on my for arm in his memorie! I LUV YOU UNCLE BUDDY RIP

[Sarahjayne]

The girls I am currently training with at work regularly make references to 'jumping off the humber bridge' (a bidge in my city) because the training is hard or they did something wrong. Both these women are around the age of 30 and should know better.

Especially since they know that one of my best friends killed himself last year. He jumped off the humber bridge.
Everytime they say it I feel sad and angry.

I feel they should know better, they are grown up women.

I work on the Incapacity Benefit section at the benefit office, processing claims. They joke all the time about how people who are signed off with depression and anxiety and similar things have nothing really wrong with them. Especially young people with mental health problems.

It just makes me so mad. They think I'm quiet at times because I'm moody and a bit wierd but really it's because I am fucking seething about the things they are saying.

[Pop Culture Whore]

I'm glad this thread is here and I could probably write a lot more than I will.

I started feeling really depressed when I was in the sixth grade, 12/13ish. My parents found me upset a few times and said I was over reacting, that I was completely fine. Of course things only got worse. By the time I was 17 my arms were destroyed from cutting and I could hardly get out of bed in the morning or stop crying. A good friend finally convinced me to get some help. Whenever I felt really upset, all I could hear in my head was my mom saying "it's all in your head." If I hadn't been cutting, I don't think they would have beleived me. I'm still on meds and have been adding more meds. I seriously think I'll never be able to escape it

Anyways, I started mentoring/being a friend to a coworkers grandaughter (who she's raising) who is having problems with cutting. She's only 15. I know I'm not a counseler or anything, but I wish I had had someone to talk to who had been through it. Hopefully I can lend a hand.

Thanks to everyone who shared stories or is listening. It always helps to talk about it, even after the fact.

[Xxms.paranoiaxX]

suicide and cutting are really nothing to joke about...
it makes me sad that people joke about it because then when someone really needs help we are so desensitized to it that we do nothing...
i mean, my friends think im joking/ just being stupid when i talk to them about how much i think about going through with it....its sad because they have no idea how much time i spend thinking about it ...they just think im being stupid...
whatever.

[SkumGrrrl]

suicide is fucking selfish. My best friend killed herself in the 9th grade and i was pissed off more than anything that she would even consider fucking doing that dumb shit.

[eliora]

suicide is fucking selfish. My best friend killed herself in the 9th grade and i was pissed off more than anything that she would even consider fucking doing that dumb shit.

It's selfish to expect others to suffer, unbearably and indefinately, just because you know and love them. When you feel that bad it doesn't really matter that other people will be hurt by your absence. Their pain could not possibly be worse than the pain that leads people to consider or attempt suicide.

But until you've felt that bad, you have no way of knowing.

[Alexsanguination]

suicide is fucking selfish. My best friend killed herself in the 9th grade and i was pissed off more than anything that she would even consider fucking doing that dumb shit.

Wait until you've had to pull yourself back from that ledge.

[Lady_Labyrinth]

I used to cut when I was in early highschool... not to try and kill myself (aka not near major arteries, etc), but to release tension and get some sort of relief from everyday bullshit. I was depressed, but I kept it mostly to myself, and put a mask on for the public. I've had sucidical thought before, but would always re-think them. I had a bottle of pills and some booze in front of me once... ready, but never did it. I love my parents too much, and my family.
That was 3-4 years ago, now I am happy with my life and glad I never did anything like that. Nobody really knows about that except you guys (now) my current boyfriend and one of my ex's. No one really needs to know, it was personal and I kept it all to myself.
When I hear people making fun of cutting, I mostly ignore it... they obviously don't know what I went through to end up doing it - explaining that to every single person I heard make fun of it would have been near impossible.
When It comes to suicide, however, I don't take it lightly. I have fortunately never had to deal with a friend or loved one committing it, and could never know what they have been through... but, having had friends die naturally and in accidents, the death of a loved one is more painful than anything. Joking about suicide shouldn't be toleranted... people who don't know - and like others have said, are probably scared - are ignorant.

Sorry for the novel, didn't think I'd write this much... but thanks fo listening/reading.

[namelesswonder]

Someone revived this thread, and it reminded me how sad it is that people have stories to tell that the thread is brought back.

My story is not as intense as others, but I'm sure most of you can understand how your own situation seems the worst when you're in it. I feel like sharing, I've been having a shitty couple of weeks.

Towards the end of 2003, I started cutting. I don't remember why really, I know I thought of it because I knew that was a way a friend of mine coped with depression, though nobody thought she was really depressed. It was the beginning of my sophomore year in high school. My parents found out in February of 2004 when I cut and pasted something to post on a Yahoo group, my mom pasted something wrong and got what I wrote instead. I started seeing a social worker, they convinced me to try meds for a little while "just to get the wind back in your sail" (3 years later, still on meds), I hated my social worker and my depression continued to get worse. May 31st, 2004, I decided I would OD on something, I wanted something to change, like maybe someone would find me and I'd wake up days later and everything would be so much better, but I took somewhere around 18 tylenol PMs (lost track around 13), went to bed, and got really scared when my heart started racing. I went downstairs, called 911, woke up my parents, went off to the emergency room in an ambulance. I remember them taking off my clothes, falling asleep, then waking up and being sat up to drink some charcoal, then they shoved a tube through my nose and down my throat, I cried because it hurt, they kept telling me to drink, I finally opened my eyes and saw a straw so I drank some water to help get the tube down. Then I was out again til I was in a room, in a bed, somebody was asking me what happened, i culdn't stay awake, it was somewhere around 2 inthe morning.

The story goes on, people visited, I swore I would never cut again, (that lasted for a couple months, though just recently I cut after not cutting for over a year), I went to a day program at a mental hospital and missed most of the end of my sophomore year in school.

It disgusts me to hear anyone joke about hurting themselves or killing themselves or hear them suggest it to someone else. Obviously they don't understand how unbearable our minds can make everything seem, the human mind is very powerful, and at the same time, fragile.

[thestubster22]

I have been around suicide before. Last year my sisters friend committed suicide and I had known him since I was really little.

I have basically hurt myself since 5th grade. I grew up with my parents smacking me around. Nothing EXTREMELY serious, but enough to cause me emotional pain to the point where I was only 10 years old and drinking bleach to try and solve my problems.

It moved on to scratching myself until I bled, and then cutting, burning, and now stabbing.

I stopped for almost an entire year because someone found out and told my guidance counselor and I had to seek help through the school. It basically ruined my valentines day in 8th grade. Last summer i started calming down about it but it's back again with even worse force than it's ever been.

I cannot stand when people make fun of this kind of stuff. It's nothing easy to go through, and it's so HARD to overcome. You hurt so many people around you, but it's so addicting that I just can't get over it. And when I hear people saying "emo" or oh do you cut across the street or down the road, and I'm like wtf is wrong with you. People think it's some kind of sick joke, and it's not.

What I can't understand is why people get suicide and self-injury totally mixed together. Suicide is when you kill yourself. Self-injury is sometimes expressed for suicide, but not in every situation. In most situations it's just a way that someone releases their pain. I'm not saying it's right, but is it right for people to go punching walls? Or yelling for hours on end? It's just another way. It's just not accepted by the general public like numerous other things.

[joan]

One of my best friend's son killed himself less than a month ago. He was 15 and she found him.
It infuriates me that people who know her situation STILL say things in a joking manner like "this is so hard I want to kill myself". In fact, it happened last week at derby practice. She finally wanted to try to skate again and that's what she got for leaving the house.
It sucks that peole can't watch what they joke about a little bit more carefully.

[xIffyx]

I haven't had anyone close to me kill themselves.
I've never cut.
I have friends that cut and have stopped cutting.
It's a sad thing to watch them go through.

I hate when people tell me, "You look like the type to cut"
I look the type? Shit, i didn't know there was a type.

[sarahXedge]

I have tried unsuccesfully...... Tried drowning myself (pretty impossible cuz i didnt weight myself or anything i blacked out and surfaced right about the time my dad got home) and a few other ways..... Now I realise no possible way could they have worked....I wasnt to switched on when it came to suicide techniques.

*more women survive.....Becouse they choose less "violent" ways to commit suicide.... often becouse of vanity according to some oprah show I watched.

Now I feel like it'd be good to be dead but no way would I kill myself.

I woke up to myself and I guess im not selfish enough....If I even entertain the thought I think off what Im leaving behind.....a family how could I do that to them?


also people who lose someone to suicide are 15% more likely to do it themselves and the more people that do it the more that rises....it opens the door...

[Go Go Ghoulina]

I used to cut...but I would have never killed myself. I always knew that someday, problems would work themselves out, and everything would be okay.

I just think how far someone takes it, is just how much hope they have left in them.

It's sad people joke, around a grieving relative. Things like "ugh shoot me" and stuff like that, you usually don't think about. I feel bad that we dont, think "omg this could really effect someone" but it's todays society. I try my best to watch what i say around who im with. thats the best I can do!
But sometimes when people joke about "emos cutting", ive noticed, from my friends, they cut!!! It's like a way, of making it okay, like "this is funny, im making fun of it, so no one will know i do it"! I don't understand, well I guess i do sort of! But still, it's never okay.

I wish I would of had this forum when i was younger.

[SkumGrrrl]

suicide is fucking selfish. My best friend killed herself in the 9th grade and i was pissed off more than anything that she would even consider fucking doing that dumb shit.

Wait until you've had to pull yourself back from that ledge.

who is to say that i've never been there? you might have not been on this board when i was severly struggling with depression and had to check myself into a clinic, instead of killing myself leaving everyone who loves me, my kids, my life i got help. maybe help doesnt work for everyone so whatever but yes i have been there...